2/18/17-Complicated New Beginings AKA: First Date AKA: Kismet

This beautiful, brooding, complicated, adventurous, playful husband of mine...

Kismet:fate; destiny

"Spacegrass"

Dodge Swinger 1973, Galaxy 500,
All The Way Stars' Green, Gotta Go.
Dodge Swinger 1973, Top Down, Chassis Low,
Panel Dim, Light Drive, Jesus On The Dashboard.
T-Minus Whenever It Feels Right, Galaxy 500.
Planets Align, A King Is Born.

Whenever It Feels Right
Whenever It Feels Right
Whenever It Feels Right
Whenever It Feels Right

Dodge Swinger 1973, Top Down, Chassis Free,
Buzz Aldrin, Armstrong, Or Maybe Just Me.
Don't Worry, It's Coming.
Don't Worry, It's Coming.
Jesus On The Dashboard.

Whenever It Feels Right
Whenever It Feels Right
Whenever It Feels Right
I Turn On The Radio.

Hey Kid, Are You Going My Way?
Hop In, We'll Have Ourselves A Field Day.
We'll Find Us Some Spacegrass,
Lay Low, Watch The Universe Expand.
Skyway, Permanent Saturday.
Oh, By The Way, Saturn Is My Rotary.
Hop In, It'll Be Eternity
Till We Make It To M83.

Once Around The Sun, Cruising, Climbing.
Jupiter Cyclops Winks At Me, Yeah, He Knows Who's Driving.
Hit Neutral In The Tail Of A Comet.
Let The Vortex Pull My Weight.
Push The Seat Back A Little Lower.
Watch Light Bend In The Blower.
Planets Align.
A King Is Born.
Dodge Swinger.
Jesus On The Dashboard.

Whenever It Feels Right
Whenever It Feels Right
Whenever It Feels Right
Whenever It Feels Right

Phoenix 2/5/17

After the storm, the real work begins. Before you can begin to clean up, you must survey the storm damage. I haven't been very good at that in the past. It has been too easy to mostly ignore the damage... Brush the fallen limbs into a corner of the yard, and ignore how the roof is beginning to show wear.

That has been my way. Don't look and it doesn't exist. Don't check the mail, and the bills aren't really there. Don't look at the bank account, and there's no need to worry about the overdraft charges. Don't look at the problems, don't give them an ounce of validation, and they aren't real...

Only, they are real. And when I'm not looking the problems grow.

Ignore, bury, sweep, deny, check out. That has been my mantra; my coping mechanism. I don't know where I picked it up, but I know that it isn't working. It hasn't ever worked. I only thought it did.

Today I commit to myself to survey the storm damage; to check the mail, to open the bills, to review all the problems, and begin to build a new life, a new me.

One day at a time 2/3/3

Freedom from despair leaves room for rebuilding. Remembering the relationships I haven't been nurturing. Freedom from despair allows me to love without strings attached.

Today I was able to enjoy the company of my family. This is no small thing after such a long journey in the dark.

Focusing on my blessings, choosing love 2/1/17

Guilt 1/31/17

The post apocalyptic break allowed the guilt to consume my soul. My desperation reached a fever pitch as I realized the damage of my implosion. A moment of clarity brought the pictures of my dear ones faces, and shook me from my rage. Guilt was all that was left behind.

Implosion 1/30/17

Failure. Destroyer.

My flame burned bright and hot against the storm. My rage poured out on innocent and guilty alike. The pain no longer able to be contained. The fire burst from me, and consumed all in my path. The smell of smoke and gasoline hung in the air. The victims of my tirade forever scorched.

As the smoke cleared, the guilt pouring in like fog.

Devoid 1/28/17

Bargaining 1/23/17

Seeking serenity 1/21/17

Searching for the sun, lost without my moon 1/24/17

Wind and waves 1/14/17- 1/21/17

Sometimes the storm comes suddenly. Torrential, vicious, and indiscriminate in its destruction. This is the kind of storm that tears trees from the ground at the root, and brings sheets of water from the sky.

This type of storm is empowered by the suddenness of its onslaught. You weren't paying attention to the forecast. You ignored the warnings. You didnt notice the buzz in the air, and increase in pressure. You were distracted; rushing around to meet self-imposed deadlines. You failed to prepare.

The wind hits you so hard it knocks you off your feet. The hard earth melts into mud around you, and the rain, falling in waves, blinds you. 

You lay huddled in the chaos. Scratching at the musty earth, clinging to the roots protruding around you and praying for a reprieve from the unforgiving storm. Just a moment to catch your breath, and pull yourself to shelter.

Unheard whispers in the night 1/7/17

I think....Maybe....I don't know....Better off...When did you...Stopped checking the mail...

Friday the 13th, A full moon 1/13/17

The end of the world as I know it

The calm before the storm 1/2/17

Storms will come. No matter how hard we try to wish them away, or pray for the sun, storms come along. The storm has no concern for our happiness; it doesn't care if we want it or not. It just comes along, uninvited, to spoil our picnics.

  However, this post isn't about the storm. It's about the calm before the storm; the inevitable moment, hour, or day of bright, silent and welcoming calm that never fails to come.

The calm is a seductive illusionist. The calm is warm, and still. It feels safe. It feels as if you can stay in it forever. 
It can be so convincing, that if you're not careful, you can start to believe that the storm isn't coming. But come it will.